Review: Ghost Adventures: Episode 1

By Ryan M. Huston

Dear God.... I don't even know where to begin tearing this crap apart.

For those that missed it, I envy you.

This is certainly an American incarnation of Most Haunted, rife with staged "evidence", shakey camera work, and lots of screaming and running in terror from "something... UNEXPLAINED!" *que dramatic music* which always seems to conveniently happen just off camera.

The show is produced by Las Vegas Wedding Videographers 4 Reel Productions, LLC (http://www.4reelweddingvideo.com/). I'm not kidding. When they're not putting bogus "ghost footage" on SciFi, they'll film your nuptuals for you. Cheap.

This...um... "production"... nay, train wreck on tape also features "famed" paranormal investigators Zak Bagans & Nick Groff... whom I'd never heard of before this. I have to give them props for one thing, though, they don't even pretend to try and find a rational explanation or debunk anything that happens. It's all paranormal. End of story. Like my mom always said "If you're going to lie, at least be honest about it". Or was that Yogi Berra? I forget.

Anywho, In the two hour show, their investigations yielded two full body apparitions, a poltergeist, over a dozen orbs, 10 EVPS, and a possession (during a seance, no less). Indeed, if there's one thing more troubling than spectacular evidence, it's an abundance of spectacular evidence.

In the first series of investigations (in the ghost town turned struggling tourist spot of Virginia City, NV), they spend the night in a bathtub purported to be the location of a prostitute's suicide. At 4:00am, the investigator awakes with a start, dramatically informing the viewer that he hears WATER spashing! And "a mysterious tapping!"... one can only wonder, with all that tasty activity going on, why he chose to only film his own face for the entire time. Nicely played, pal. :/

Later, while investigating an old hotel (sorry, I was too busy yelling at the TV to take down names) they capture the first full body apparition. This footage has to be seen to be appreciated. I don't know if it's stop-motion, or the old plate glass trick (or both), but it certainly is one of the hokiest clips I've ever seen. I'll post the url if I can ever find it.

Next, the gang goes to a "haunted cemetery" plagued by "ghost lights" which they explain had been seen in the cemetery for years. Immediately afterwards, they purportedly become the first people to capture on the phenomenon on tape. Odd, if they were *that* legendary that no one had caught them on tape before. :/

The highlight of this outing, however, was some "unseen" force grabbing a guys shoulder, which caused the team to run, screaming like little girls, into the night. Once back at their hotel, they decide to communicate with the spirit of the dead prostitute... using... wait for it... wait... Yes, a ouija board.

If this lack of professionalism seems appauling, it was nothing compared to what came later. Which I'll give you in line item format, as this is already too long of a blog entry.

- they use cassette recorders with no external mic, and try to pass off the sound of the moving gears as "unexplained".

- They tour a haunted hotel, their guide going back and forth from saying she's never seen anything, to telling the story of how she as lifted up and thrown against a wall. None of the investigating team seemed to notice her story changing.

- In the basement of the hotel, they capture what appears to be brick flying through the air, thrown by "unseen" hands (my bet? a foam block shot with an air compressor). Their reaction is to impersonate Heather Donahue by widly swinging their cameras, screaming, crying, and fleeing upstairs... well, one of them anyway. See, not only did he run like a bitch, he ABANDONED his teammate in a situation that, if true, could certainly be considered dangerous (last time I checked, flying "bricks" and the human skull didn't get along too well). Granted, this was total bullshit, but still. The forgotten team member was later found, "wandering the basement in a terrified daze"

Being real-life ghost hunters; we don't run, we don't scream, and we sure as hell wouldn't leave our people behind. The fact that this idiotic behavior is passed off as "real" is more than a little insulting.

There are numberous incidents in this show that are outrageous, fake, and disgusting... but I think I've shared enough of them to give you an idea of what this show was all about.

I just wonder why this garbage is in TAPS' time slot. I mean, that last Ghost Hunters ep was pretty bad (a fact for which I blame SciFi, for very specific personal reasons which I'm not getting into right now) but Jay and Grant couldn't be as bad as these dinks if they tried. Perhaps this is what SciFi wants Ghost Hunters to become? Perhaps this is being lined up as a replacement if TAPS doesn't play ball?

In short, if you like your paranormal shows cheap, trashy, and with a minimum of critical thinking, this show is for you. Otherwise, skip it.

-Ryan M. Huston, 2007